The Last Supper

We used to go out to dinner to celebrate each of our birthdays every year. But once M4 came along, that meant six nice dinners over the course of every twelve months. It became difficult to fit into our budget and our schedule. So we devised a plan to go out to one really nice dinner once a year and celebrate all our birthdays together.

Since I am having surgery tomorrow and starting chemo the next day, we decided to make tonight the night. Who knows when I will feel like eating again?

We went to our favorite restaurant, Taste of Texas. Here's our "birthday picture":



It had been a long day of tests and doctor's appointments and pre-op (with a respite lunch with my dear friend, Robbie).

I was very happy to see my family when they walked into the restaurant this evening. Throughout the evening I felt myself becoming a little melancholy about the unknown of the months to come, the loss of "normal", and being separated from my children and husband more than we ever have been before. There are going to be hard times in the days to come. But I am determined to face it with good humor and optimism.

Thankfully, it was nothing a little creme brulee' couldn't overcome, at least for tonight.

Hang On To Your Hats

We're going into high gear this week.

Don and I saw Dr. M (do you see a pattern here?) today. Her plan for treatment matched up with what we have been told is the best treatment for my type of cancer. We felt like this was going to be the main indicator of whether or not to proceed with her. Again, we really did not feel we had time to wait for MD Anderson to get us in (although we played phone tag with the scheduler there today).

Dr. M said it is difficult to "stage" blood cancers, but based on the size of my tumor (which is now considered "bulky" because it is greater than 10 cm in size) and the fact that it is invading surround tissue (namely, my heart), she is calling it stage 4.

SO, this is the plan:

Tomorrow (Tuesday), I go in for an echocardiogram (ultrasound of my heart). In the afternoon, I will meet with the surgeon who will put in the port for my chemo. This is basically an under-the-skin IV that should point straight at my tumor or pretty close. So when I have chemo, they don't have to start an IV every time.

Wednesday, I will have the port put in during some sort of outpatient procedure with the above mentioned surgeon.

Thursday, I get my first "round" of chemo. It should take all day. And, they will send me home with one drug on a pump for 24 hours. This particular drug is hard on your heart, so they give it really slowly to (hopefully) lessen the effect.

The long-term plan is for 6 to 8 rounds of chemo followed by radiation (not sure how many of those). Generally, in my type of cancer, the tumor is gone after 3 to 4 rounds. (It grows fast. It dies fast.)

According to the nurse today I should not feel too bad until NEXT week. We are hoping this is true because we still have some sorting and adjusting to do in our lives.

Thank you to all of you who have volunteered to help. We are working on a plan. I will get back to you on that one - hopefully in the next few days.

Peace

Those of you that know me and have seen me these days might like an explanation.

I'm not sad or scared or even a little worried (at least today). Instead, I'm downright happy.

Before you start thinking about a little padded room, let me explain:

Last year, when we were told the baby we were expecting would die, we were devestated.

But as we sat there in the ultrasound room, God came alongside me and began to dwell WITH me. What I was incapable of doing anymore on my own - EVERYTHING - He carried me through.

I would never have CHOSEN to live through burying a child, but I wouldn't trade the experience for the world because of the tangible presence of the Lord in those days.

By no means do I miss the crushing grief and heartache, but I have longed to feel HIS PRESENCE again even though I know He is always with me.

I guess I've become a sort of like a junkie. Once you experience His presence, you can never have enough. The trouble is, you only truly get it when the really hard times come.

So, as I have walked this path so far, I have looked forward in anticipation. To either as short illness or a good, long walk with the God I love. And since it is looking like it is going to be a long walk, I am at peace, knowing that He is there.

The LORD YOUR GOD is WITH YOU . . .Zephaniah 3:17

Pages of a Book

The final report is back and it is definitely Large b-cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.

The good news about this is that it is fairly common and easily treatable (from what we understand). Which is encouraging to us.

The name of a doctor keeps coming up over and over and we feel led that she is the one to see right now. Not only because of her high recommendation, but because we can get in next Monday.

I have been amazed by the responses I have received from people as we have been "networking" every area of our lives, past and present, seeking advice and assistance in our decisions.

My husband profoundly said, "Our life is like a book and the people we meet along the way are the pages. As time passes you turn to new pages, but the previous pages are still there."

I have revisited a lot of those pages this week. It is a really good read.

The "C" Word

Growing up there were many things I looked forward to saying:

"I have a new car!"

"I am graduating!"

"I am getting married!"

"We're buying a new house!"

"We're going to have a baby! And another! And another! And another! And another!"

But never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be saying:

"I have cancer . . ."

What's next?

"I am a SURVIVOR!"


I just talked with the doctor's office late this afternoon. The doctor said the final report is not in yet, but he received a preliminary "verbal" report from the pathologist that he (my doctor) considers to be 90-95% sure.

The diagnosis (which will be finalized tomorrow) is b-cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. It is a type of cancer of the lymph system. It can happen anywhere in your body where you have lymph glands, and mine just happened to take up residence in my chest. According to one of Don's good friends/former boss who had Non-Hodgkins, the b-cell type is faster moving, but also more curable. I personally haven't done a lot of research on it yet, so that's about all I can tell you.

He went ahead and told me so that Don and I could be discussing our options and talking with others about who to see (an oncologist) and where.

Obviously, this is not what we hoped to hear, but we realized it was not out of the realm of possibility.

Please pray for Don and me as we make decisions regarding treatment. And for our kids, that they will be able to cope with whatever is to come.

Thanks for being there.

I am sure I will need you all more now than ever,

Waiting

While we have had very little after-effects on the homefront from Hurricane Ike, the medical process has definitely slowed to a snail's pace. At least that's what it feels like.

Currently, we are in "waiting-mode" for the results from my lung biopsy done last Wednesday.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4: 6-7

Biopsy done

The biopsy went well. I was in by 7:30 and out by 1 p.m.

We should have results of something by hopefully Friday.