Happy New Year

Our traditional sparkling white grape juice toast on New Year's Eve

In 2009:

I started the year without any hair.

I drove daily (M-F) to radiation every week in January.

I enjoyed watching M1 play basketball, M1 & M2 play baseball and soccer, M3 play softball and swim and M4 play his first season of soccer.

I was declared "cancer-free".

My husband took me on a wonderful, week-long vacation to Hawaii.

M1 has grown gracefully into a teenager.

M2 has singlehandedly taught M3 and M4 to ride their bikes (in one week's time!)

M3 has returned to full-time homeschool and we both LOVE it!

M4 has learned his alphabet and to count to "infinity".

I lost my car keys - about four months ago - and still haven't found them.

Got to spend a week with my family at Disneyworld.

Celebrated my parents 45th anniversary.

Bid farewell, temporarily, to two dear friends. Robbie, and family, to Australia and Marie, and family, to Canada.

Said goodbye, until heaven, to friend, Carol, and "Papa Doc", my SIL's father.

Enjoyed watching M3 sing, with friend, Hannah, and M1 and M2 perform the swordfight scene as Inigo Montoya and "The Man in Black" from the movie, "The Princess Bride" in the school talent show.

Made it through two rounds of preventative treatments. (TWO TO GO!!)

Learned that you don't go to the urgent care clinic when you are having chest pain (no matter what adjective you use to describe it . . .)

After cleaning my house for a full week (having nothing else to do during that time), and being very pleased with myself, am coming to grips with the fact that, though it will not stay that way, "Without oxen a stable stays clean, but you need a strong ox for a large harvest." Proverbs 14:4. And despite the mess they make, I am VERY thankful for my many oxen (I mean, children).

Beyond the Door

Have you ever heard the song "Heaven in the Face" by Stephen Curtis Chapman? He wrote the song after his five-year-old daughter, Maria, was killed in a tragic accident.

The first time I heard it I actually thought I might have a wreck it was so emotional for me. And every time since, it takes me back to that place of longing, of missing Michael to my very core, just for a moment.

I completely understand where he is coming from, losing a child. Despite the fact that I never knew Michael in this world, except for inside of me, his loss drained me completely. For a very long time.

So why do I bring this up today? I heard the song again on the radio.

I don't often hear it alone, so I don't usually get to listen and contemplate the words.

I've always understood, in listening to the song, that, to Chapman, heaven is all the special and wonderful things that he remembers of Maria while she was alive. And all of the sudden, I HEARD what he was saying. These are the words of the chorus:

God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
But God, You know, that this is what I’m aching for.
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.

When Michael died, I was consumed with the thought of him in heaven. I wanted to be with him and I wanted to be here on earth, too. I would find myself talking to God and saying stuff like, "God, I know you are the greatest thing in heaven, but when I get there, I just want to see Michael."

I am sure it is that way with any loss: child, friend, parent, sibling. You miss them so much you just can't wait to see them again. And they will be the ones "meeting you at the door". And you want to see them so desperately that nothing else about heaven matters, but just getting to the door.

Over time, God gently reminded me to "miss" Michael and "worship" Jesus. Because it is only because I know Jesus that I could ever hope to see Michael again. To long for heaven because Jesus has prepared a place for me there.

And someday Michael will meet me at the door and take me by the hand and lead me to Him.

Blast from the past

We have been doing some MAJOR cleaning (as in "cleaning out") and I came across the oddest thing. It was a box, marked "Master Bathroom" that has been sitting in our linen closet next to the laundry basket SINCE WE MOVED IN TO THIS HOUSE.

The funny thing is, I thought it had cleaning supplies/tools in it. Like caustic chemicals and "As seen on TV" type cleaning tools that never worked for me.

But I opened it up, to "clean it out" and this is what I found:



Just for fun, see if you can figure out what this box was for - I'll give you some clues.

This box made the move with us to this house in December of 2000.

I had packed this particular "box" actually in DECEMBER 1999.

It had a hand can opener, napkins, paper towels, trash bags, baggies, flash lights (with batteries dated 1999 in them), a can of lysol, matches, paper cups and plastic utensils.

It was stored in our previous home in the crawl space under our stairs with about 20 gallons of water.

Can you guess what it was for?

IT WAS




ONE OF TWO BOXES




OF OUR




Y2K SURVIVAL KIT!

Talk about a blast from the past. This time ten years ago, the civilized world was breathing a sigh of relief that the world as we knew it then did not come screeching to a halt as it hit midnight of 12/31/99.

It caused me to go back in time to what our lives were like in 1999.

Ten years ago, we had two small children aged four and almost two. Neither had played an organized sport, yet. I had just turned 30. We had three dogs. We lived in a different city. We didn't know that terrorists could fly airplanes into skyscrapers. We didn't know what it was like to be in a major car accident, lose a child, have cancer. We didn't quite understand how MUCH God loves us and how GOOD He really is.

I miss a lot about ten years ago. But I am so grateful for the lessons of life and love that we have been allowed to learn in the past decade!

I think I'll keep my Y2K box. It can be my "Hurricane Preparedness" box (now that I know what is in it :) )

Merry Christmas!

Bookends

Today God is celebrating with me. Once again He is sending snow. (This time we are in north Texas visiting family) For most people, they are welcoming a white Christmas. I am welcoming a “You did it!” from God.




He sent me snow to start my treatments this month. And he sent snow to mark the end. (I completed my last treatment yesterday!)

Never in my life have I experienced snow in Texas twice in one decade, let alone in a month!

Thank you to all my friends and family who prayed, fed, and helped us through this month,too. We couldn’t have done it without you!

Buddies

Adding another puppy is sort of like adding another sibling to the child mix. It takes some time and effort to get them to like each other. And a little bit longer to be sure the big one isn't going to hurt/kill the little one.

We seem to be making progress and Feller and Missy seem to be the best of buds.

Taking Matters into My Own Hands

WARNING: This is more of a self-medicating trial-and-error post full of information simply for myself to remember in the future and for others who may have bad days post steroid infusions. But, it could also be for people who sometimes just seem to have a bad day . . .

The first week after treatment was a doozy. I didn’t just have a bad DAY, it was an entire bad WEEK.

In talking with my doctor about why I have these “days” she suspects it is the steroids that I get via IV just prior to the Rituxan infusion.

So, I am trying to get a handle on the cause/effect and formulate my own solution. And I will preface it all by saying I am not offering medical advice, and by no means am I an expert on the subject of cortisol/adrenals, but just letting you know what I did and how it worked for me in my situation.

First theory: I am getting a bolus of steroids that is shutting my adrenals down on Friday and lasting through the weekend. On Monday, my adrenals “wake up” and realize they need to start producing my own personal steroids again, which for some reason causes me great pain (starting in my adrenals/kidneys and then moving throughout my body).

So I consulted my very knowledgeable friend, Marie, on what kind of adrenal support I could take to moderate the drop from Sunday to Monday. Her suggestion: OTC 1% Hydrocortisone cream.

Now, this is the stuff that you use when you get an itchy rash. But it also happens to be the same stuff your adrenals make every day just to keep you balanced somewhere between stressed out and asleep. (Too little cortisone = asleep or fatigued, Too much cortisone = stressed out).

If you apply it to your skin, (preferably a thin skinned area, like your forearms) it is absorbed into your bloodstream and it functions just as the cortisone your adrenals make.

Theoretically, normal adrenals make 20 mg of cortisol a day. And 2 ml of 1% Hydrocortisone cream is 20 mg.

Second theory: If I started taking the cortisone cream prior to my crash on Monday, it would balance out my cortisol levels. My adrenals wouldn’t get an alarm signal to start producing cortisol from zero, and I would not have the bad day/days I have previously had.

I started by taking .5 ml (5 mg) of cream on Saturday night. I repeated the dose Sunday morning and Sunday evening (total 10 mg for the day), Monday morning/evening, and Tuesday morning/evening. I was going to taper off the dose to just the mornings on Wednesday and Thursday, but I was starting to get a chest cold and became concerned about that and just forgot.

The results: I did not have a bad day this week at all. There were a few hours on Monday night when I felt the adrenal pain (around my kidneys in my back) coming on, but it was close to bedtime and I felt confident if I took a pain pill and went to sleep it would not get any worse. I also was not exhausted and draggy all week (which is what usually happens after my bad day). I actually felt pretty “normal”.

You would think something so simple would be recommended for treatment. But I guess the makers of a $2 tube of cortisone cream have no incentive to get you to use their product like, say, the makers of the prescription pain pills I take, do.

I will say, too, that the cream is not to be used on a daily basis long term. It contains stuff that, when used long-term has been known to cause cancer. But when you have a short term period of stress or are feeling run-down, a little "pea-sized" dose of Hydrocortisone cream once or twice a day for a few days can't do any harm.