The first time I heard it I actually thought I might have a wreck it was so emotional for me. And every time since, it takes me back to that place of longing, of missing Michael to my very core, just for a moment.
I completely understand where he is coming from, losing a child. Despite the fact that I never knew Michael in this world, except for inside of me, his loss drained me completely. For a very long time.
So why do I bring this up today? I heard the song again on the radio.
I don't often hear it alone, so I don't usually get to listen and contemplate the words.
I've always understood, in listening to the song, that, to Chapman, heaven is all the special and wonderful things that he remembers of Maria while she was alive. And all of the sudden, I HEARD what he was saying. These are the words of the chorus:
God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
But God, You know, that this is what I’m aching for.
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.
When Michael died, I was consumed with the thought of him in heaven. I wanted to be with him and I wanted to be here on earth, too. I would find myself talking to God and saying stuff like, "God, I know you are the greatest thing in heaven, but when I get there, I just want to see Michael."
I am sure it is that way with any loss: child, friend, parent, sibling. You miss them so much you just can't wait to see them again. And they will be the ones "meeting you at the door". And you want to see them so desperately that nothing else about heaven matters, but just getting to the door.
Over time, God gently reminded me to "miss" Michael and "worship" Jesus. Because it is only because I know Jesus that I could ever hope to see Michael again. To long for heaven because Jesus has prepared a place for me there.
And someday Michael will meet me at the door and take me by the hand and lead me to Him.