Sunday, January 3, 2010

Beyond the Door

Have you ever heard the song "Heaven in the Face" by Stephen Curtis Chapman? He wrote the song after his five-year-old daughter, Maria, was killed in a tragic accident.

The first time I heard it I actually thought I might have a wreck it was so emotional for me. And every time since, it takes me back to that place of longing, of missing Michael to my very core, just for a moment.

I completely understand where he is coming from, losing a child. Despite the fact that I never knew Michael in this world, except for inside of me, his loss drained me completely. For a very long time.

So why do I bring this up today? I heard the song again on the radio.

I don't often hear it alone, so I don't usually get to listen and contemplate the words.

I've always understood, in listening to the song, that, to Chapman, heaven is all the special and wonderful things that he remembers of Maria while she was alive. And all of the sudden, I HEARD what he was saying. These are the words of the chorus:

God, I know, it’s all of this and so much more,
But God, You know, that this is what I’m aching for.
God, you know, I just can’t see beyond the door.

When Michael died, I was consumed with the thought of him in heaven. I wanted to be with him and I wanted to be here on earth, too. I would find myself talking to God and saying stuff like, "God, I know you are the greatest thing in heaven, but when I get there, I just want to see Michael."

I am sure it is that way with any loss: child, friend, parent, sibling. You miss them so much you just can't wait to see them again. And they will be the ones "meeting you at the door". And you want to see them so desperately that nothing else about heaven matters, but just getting to the door.

Over time, God gently reminded me to "miss" Michael and "worship" Jesus. Because it is only because I know Jesus that I could ever hope to see Michael again. To long for heaven because Jesus has prepared a place for me there.

And someday Michael will meet me at the door and take me by the hand and lead me to Him.


Devin said...

Molly--so many emotions here. All I can say right now is, THANK you for this post. It touched my very core.

Marie said...

What a beautiful post!

Kenzie said...

Dear Molly... I LOVE this post. It is beautiful and so true. After we lost Maddox all I ached for was his presence and I knew that wasn't possible except in heaven, so I just wanted to be there. Even now, every once in a while, I find myself longing for heaven for him. I have to stop and remind myself that Maddox isn't what I'm looking forward to most in heaven because he's not the one that has allowed for me to get there... it is indeed the LORD.

Praise God that He has gently reminded us of these truths while still allowing us to miss our precious boys.

God is so good and I really wanted to THANK YOU for your precious email several months ago. I am so thankful for you, for your ability to share your journeys that He has brought you on, and how He has given you peace and hope and true FAITH in the midst. You are an amazing mother!

Have a wonderful rest of the week and thank you for sharing part of you with me.

Love & blessings,