Good News

I have been fantasizing about this post for several weeks now. But it seems that fantasy and reality do not always match up.

First of all, I want to thank you for your prayers on my behalf and that of my family for this specific scan. It is the first thing I have faced on my journey that has caused me anxiety that it seemed I could not shake.

While I would have to say my anxiety gradually subsided yesterday and today, I am still in a funk. I was not my normal self in dealing with the people who cared for me before and during the scan. I didn't like that.

As I faced alterations in "my plan" for the two days, I could see God's hand in them: I could not get a copy of the PET scan IMMEDIATELY after it was complete. The "plan" was to bring it home in order to have a "heads up" on what the report would say - tumor gone or not. Now that I have the PET scan in my hot little hands, I realize, it would have been extremely frustrating for me to try to read because it looks different that a CT scan. I wouldn't have known what I was looking at.

We thought we would see the doctor first thing this morning and get the results then. She didn't end up seeing me until 2 p.m. so I had to wait through my entire round of chemo before I could find out. I was worried that if I did know I needed to extend my treatment regimen to four more, that I was going to have some kind of nervous breakdown right there in the chemo room. At least I didn't have the information to fuel a breakdown!

When we finally saw the doctor she was very encouraged by the scan. She even commented on the radiologists comment, which said, "there has been dramatic response". The tumor now measures 3.0 x 1.9 cm. Previously it was 11.8 x 7.4 x 8.0.

The tumor is not gone. But its size and behavior (it is not "active")are very positive signs. Dr. M even considered that what remains may simply be scar tissue that will gradually resolve.

I will have to admit that I was a little disappointed not to hear the word GONE, but the good news, for sure, is that I will only have one more chemo treatment on December 9. With radiation to follow two to three weeks later.

My mom pointed out a passage of scripture that reminded her of "The Retreat of the Dust Bunny"

The woman had a blood disease for twelve years and no one could heal her. She came up to Jesus in a crowd and touched the hem of His garment. Immediately, she was healed. Jesus felt the power go out of Him and He asked, "Who touched me?"

Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."

I believe I felt immediate healing that day in my driveway as the dust bunny "retreated". My faith and your prayers of faith have healed me.

May I tremble at the feet of the One with the power to heal, and not tremble in anticipation of test results and doctors reports. There is no power in them. (So true, Leah)

And as I proceed beyond my cancer, I pray I do it with peace.

Monday Update

I went for my PET scan today. No word on what they saw yet. Hopefully I will get the report when I go for chemo tomorrow. I will let you know what I find out.

Thanks for your prayers!

Ponderings

Seeing my cousin lose her battle to cancer has shaken me. I realize that it was a different type of cancer, the battle itself was much different as was the prognosis. But, all of the sudden, I feel out of control in facing my disease.

This brings up two things: First, when I was going through the entire diagnosis process, I was completely out of control. But God was in control and that was what kept me steady. Second, if I was OK with being out of control back then, something has changed. I have begun to get "comfortable" with the way things are going and with my "plan" for my treatment.

While there is a huge degree of routine to my cancer treatment (there is a flow chart that oncologists use) the reality is that everyone is different. And even as I hope that I will follow the flow chart, the "what if?"s have been raised that I have never raised before.

What if the tumor is still there on Monday (my next PET/CT scan)? What if I am still doing chemo at Christmas? What if chemo and radiation aren't enough?

Some of it has to do with being in the battle. When I was going through the tests before I started treatment, I didn't know what I was in for. It was all a process leading to a plan. Now I am in the middle of the battle and I know exactly what my scan results are going to mean this time. What it means for me. What it means for my body. What it means for my family.

I am getting tired. To some degree I just don't have the fortitude that I once had to "let go". But in my weakness, He will be strong.

Please pray that the tumor is GONE on Monday. Pray that my faith will stay strong. I have believed all along that it will be gone. I am praising Him for healing me.

Lord, please help my unbelief.

Not Me! Monday

We are NOT running late decorating our pumpkins this fall . . .



And this is NOT the back of my head.

For Tana

My cousin, Tana, was healed completely in her valiant battle with bone cancer Thursday night. She is with Jesus.

While I rejoice that she has been delivered through the fire and into the arms of her Saviour, my heart breaks for those who have been left behind: her husband of 23 years, John, their two young sons, Cody and Ryan and many other family members and friends. Please pray for them as they mourn.

What I will always remember about Tana was that she was beautiful, both inside and out. If you will take some time to read her blog "In the Shadow" on the sidebar, you will get the opportunity to experience the beauty that she had in Christ.

I wanted to share a few excerpts from her blog that captured my attention last night.

The first was written by Tana in early March of this year as she was recovering from her first hip surgery:

It snowed today and the boys got out of school at 1:00 pm. It was fun to watch them play in the front yard snow through the window and throw snowballs - just wish I could be out there with them because the snow forts and the snowmen need my creative touch!

Which brings me to what's on my mind for all you wives and moms today: take time to play with your kids and enjoy being with them - enjoy the little things like those crazy carpools and those sport games they play that you'd never watch except that they are your kids and volunteering at those chaotic school events:) Enjoy your husbands - take every opportunity to show that you love them and respect them. John and I have been married for almost 23 years and I can see so many things now that I have taken for granted for a long time.

I guess there's nothing that makes you appreciate life more than not being able to live it. So love and be loved today. Thank God for what you have - though your life may not be perfect, it is good and perfect in His time.

The second was written yesterday morning by her husband John, after she had gone to be with Jesus:

Men, give you wives a hug today and everyday, pray for them daily. We have all heard it said so many times that we do not know how many days we have here on this earth. It's true.

My prayer is that what Tana has written over the last 10 months would speak to you in some way no matter where you are in you walk with Jesus and that you would draw closer to Him as a result.

How we take each day, each person in our lives for granted. Things can change in an instant.

So take time for those you love today. Spend some time with God. This is the day we have all been given.

Glimpses of Chemo

I start the morning with a blood draw. Then find a seat in the chemo room.

















Because I am there all day, I take lots to do. (But usually I don't get anything done.) It always looks like I'm moving in! They hook up my port to the IV and off we go.
















I get a total of 3 bags of IV medication. Two chemo drugs and 1 cocktail of antinausea drugs with Benadryl. My last drug comes home with me on the pump for the night.

Round four is down!

Not Me! Monday

Because there is still humor to be found in life in spite of cancer, I have decided to participate in MckMama's "Not Me!" Monday. (If you haven't checked out her blog yet from my sidebar, take a look here.)

Since this is my first time, it includes several weeks of "Not Me's".

I hope you guys enjoy seeing the real me . . .

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I did NOT have the following conversation with one of my precious M's (who will remain anonymous to protect the guilty)while being driven around town by a friend:

M?: Mom, can I roll down my window? (In the car, travelling 50 MPH)

Me: No

M?: Well, then, what am I supposed to do with my booger?

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We do NOT own a golden retriever, who, when NOT taken to the vet to be dipped was NOT harboring over 300 ticks from unknown origin (and we do NOT know that the exact number THEY picked off was 332 because every tech and receptionist and vet in the office did NOT reiterate the number to me and my husband.)

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I did NOT have to tell my sweet angel friends Kimberly, Kimberly and Lisa that it was OK to throw away yogurt with an expiration date of 04/08 when they cleaned out my refrigerator last week. And I MOST EMPHATICALLY DID NOT ask if bagged carrots had an expiration date.

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My four children and I could NOT possibly have accumulated an entire 30 gal kitchen trash bag full of trash in my van in the last three weeks. (I did clean it out only three weeks ago, after all!) We've hardly BEEN in the van and where could all that have come from anyway?!
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M4 definitely did NOT watch Veggietale's "Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" 15 times over a three day period.
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I certainly did NOT almost blow a gasket in the Sonic Drive-Thru when M4 insisted on having a small Sprite after ordering him a large. And I MOST CERTAINLY did NOT sheepishly ask for a small cup to go with my large Sprite when I got to the window to pick up said drink.

Have a great Monday!