I have been fantasizing about this post for several weeks now. But it seems that fantasy and reality do not always match up.
First of all, I want to thank you for your prayers on my behalf and that of my family for this specific scan. It is the first thing I have faced on my journey that has caused me anxiety that it seemed I could not shake.
While I would have to say my anxiety gradually subsided yesterday and today, I am still in a funk. I was not my normal self in dealing with the people who cared for me before and during the scan. I didn't like that.
As I faced alterations in "my plan" for the two days, I could see God's hand in them: I could not get a copy of the PET scan IMMEDIATELY after it was complete. The "plan" was to bring it home in order to have a "heads up" on what the report would say - tumor gone or not. Now that I have the PET scan in my hot little hands, I realize, it would have been extremely frustrating for me to try to read because it looks different that a CT scan. I wouldn't have known what I was looking at.
We thought we would see the doctor first thing this morning and get the results then. She didn't end up seeing me until 2 p.m. so I had to wait through my entire round of chemo before I could find out. I was worried that if I did know I needed to extend my treatment regimen to four more, that I was going to have some kind of nervous breakdown right there in the chemo room. At least I didn't have the information to fuel a breakdown!
When we finally saw the doctor she was very encouraged by the scan. She even commented on the radiologists comment, which said, "there has been dramatic response". The tumor now measures 3.0 x 1.9 cm. Previously it was 11.8 x 7.4 x 8.0.
The tumor is not gone. But its size and behavior (it is not "active")are very positive signs. Dr. M even considered that what remains may simply be scar tissue that will gradually resolve.
I will have to admit that I was a little disappointed not to hear the word GONE, but the good news, for sure, is that I will only have one more chemo treatment on December 9. With radiation to follow two to three weeks later.
My mom pointed out a passage of scripture that reminded her of "The Retreat of the Dust Bunny"
The woman had a blood disease for twelve years and no one could heal her. She came up to Jesus in a crowd and touched the hem of His garment. Immediately, she was healed. Jesus felt the power go out of Him and He asked, "Who touched me?"
Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."
I believe I felt immediate healing that day in my driveway as the dust bunny "retreated". My faith and your prayers of faith have healed me.
May I tremble at the feet of the One with the power to heal, and not tremble in anticipation of test results and doctors reports. There is no power in them. (So true, Leah)
And as I proceed beyond my cancer, I pray I do it with peace.
Sweetness from Sadness
2 weeks ago