Friday, September 5, 2008

Michael would be one today

I had a TB skin test on Tuesday which is completely negative today. I was planning on going "into town" to see the doctor and have it read, but glad that they let me tell them over the phone.

Mostly, I wanted to go visit M5's grave. He was due a year ago today.

This time last year, I was sobbing with my mother at his grave saying that this wasn't where I was supposed to be today. I was supposed to be at the hospital. (My kiddos never wanted to leave the comfort of their Mama. I had to be induced EVERY time.)

My parents left and took M3 and M4 with them. Leaving me to wonder, "What should I do now?"

I asked God and He led me to go to the place I should have been - the hospital.

My doctor delivered all five of my babies, so she has become a friend as well as physician. I sneaked into her office and said hello. That I should have been seeing her today. So I thought I would come see her anyway. It felt good to see her.

I went and tried to see the nurse who cared for me the first day of my induction with M5. She was truly an angel sent by God. I found out she no longer was working there. It is my hope that she is staying home with her daughter now.

An anniversary was deserving of a momento, so I found a gift for myself. A reminder of my precious angel son.

I was led to buy a baby outfit for a little girl. Months later I would give it to a single mother, giving birth to her second daughter, with the message of how precious life really is.

But today, I don't make it to the gravesite. I will go sometime between now and next week (his REAL due date). But you are in my thoughts my precious son.

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