For My Fourthborn

You are four today, my fourthborn son.

Life should be pretty fun.

But your mom is sick (even though she looks pretty normal) and that makes life hard in ways that you don't understand.

You don't understand, but you want to be with me all the time. Like you did when you were two.

And it breaks your mommy's heart to have to leave you.

You don't understand when mommy says I need to sleep in my bed instead of on the couch with you because "I didn't make your hair fall out, Mommy".

We are trying to keep life as normal as possible for all of you. But for you, normal is pretty simple. And even simple is hard right now.

You are lucky to have two big brothers and a big sister. They love you so much. They help keep your life "normal" in spite of circumstances.

I hope, when you remember turning four, you remember your Star Wars toys, having donunt holes with your friends at church, and the rainbow birthday party you have been planning for six months.

You are such a happy boy!

You have brought joy to our lives from the day you were born.

Love,
Mom